The more I read and talk to MIL's the more it seems to me that a good deal of the problems between MIL and DIL's that aren't caused by control issues on either side or serious emotional problems have to do with our inexperience.
In my case, it isn't just my inexperience as a MIL -- my first DIL, who's been married seven years, now has more experience as a wife than I do. Sad for me, but true. Our run in had to do with my attempting to offer relationship advice. As I look back, that's a sit com tragi-drama in the making! Or not -- maybe those of us who have failed at relationships want as much - if not more - than others to stop a divorce in their offspring's family.
Of course, we need to stay out of it - I learned the hard way. Whatever they are going through - if anything - is how they are developing and deepening their relationship.
Unfortunately, nearly 3 months later it doesn't matter. Though I don't think I pried, just tried to open a conversation that could have been shut with a simple - stay out of this - and though I apologized, things are never going to be the same. Not necessarily in a 'growing' good way.
It would be helpful to any Mother in Law, Daughter in Law relationship if people could cut each other a break. Instead of assuming the worst intentions, allow for human nature with all of its flaws to have had a hand in whatever went on.
On the bright side, I think whatever has been lost here has been a gain for my second DIL and probably will be for DIL #3 (whenever that happens -- hopefully not for a good 10 years as my youngest son is only 18!).
Peace out.... :)
Friday, October 2, 2009
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